"Even without going to these lengths, one could always get hired as a truck driver, security guard or for some manual job if the worst came to the worst. The real problem was being able to stick it; to sit in an office under the orders of a wee man in dark grey suit, and look out of the window and recall the bush country, the waving palms, the smell of sweat and cordite, the grunts of the men hauling yhe jeeps over the river crossings, the copper-tasting fear just before the attack and the wild cruel joy of being alive afterwards. To remember, and then to go back to the ledgers and the commuter train, that was what was impossible. He knew he would eat his heart out if it ever came to that."